Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
