You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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