after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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