what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize