Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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