Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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