I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
