i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They have beer where we have blood.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
