I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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