he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
