I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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