Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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