I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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