when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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