I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
