Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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