Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
