My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
