How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
