I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
