I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
