You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am naked and annoyed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
