I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
