a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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