he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
