I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
