Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
