Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
