Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
