Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
