I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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