I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
