No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize