You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
