dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize