I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
