I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
