eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
