There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
