Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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