You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
