pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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