Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
