At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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