We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
