remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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