That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
