Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
