No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
