I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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