Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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