I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
honey bunches of taint.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
