Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
