Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
