WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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