i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
