I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
