Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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