So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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