hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
