Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
