just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize