I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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