yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
