why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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