I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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