one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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