Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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