hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
