Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she looked like the before picture.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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