i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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