Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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