You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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