Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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