it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
