: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
