Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
