WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
