It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
