Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i believe in u and ur pee
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize