yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
