Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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