A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
