dude i'm inner monologue high
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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