508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
