i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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