he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
