i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
