Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
