There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
