there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
