Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
