her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
