The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize