I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
