I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
