if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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