i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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